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1.  Fruit and veg.  Must buy organic.  (Organic looks shrivelled and brown and is twice the price.)  Is it bad to buy these exceptionally-un-local Chilean grapes?  (Food miles. Food miles.)

2.  Dried fruit.  Tasty, quick snack.  (Loaded with SUGAR!)  Fruit sugar though.  Naturally dried?  (They SAY that, don’t they, but really…. they use SULPHUR DIOXIDE, don’t they?)  Aha, ‘May Contain Sulphur’, gotcha.  (Hold on, who’s got whom?)

3.  Deli meats.  Easy, quick protein.  (Check the label on that cooked chicken.)  HOW MUCH sodium?  Why does a fresh, cooked chicken need…. 4, 5, 6 additional unidentifiable ingredients?

4.  Fish counter.  Yes!  Great protein.  (No! Mercury.)

5.  Carbonated drinks.  (Absolutely not!)  Soda water?  (A dentist once told me it’s as bad as diet cola for your teeth.)  It’s the bubbles, not the sugar.  (No SUGAR! No SUGAR!)

6.  Dried pasta.  Use sparingly.  (Gluten. Wheat Belly.)  100% durum wheat.  That can’t be too bad, can it?  (Wholemeal!)  But Primal-Paleo-GAPS say no GRAINS.  (Mac n’ cheese with no mac? “Cheese”? Put it in the trolley and MOVE!)

7.  Bakery.  Ahhhh, the smell of fresh bread.  The look of those chocolate eclairs.  Hungry, hungry.  (Resist!  Resist!  Simple carbs convert to SUGAR!  Wheat Belly!  Gluten!  Aggghhh!  Walk on!  Walk on!)

8.  Dairy.  Resolve is weakening.  Can’t. Make. It. Past. Chocolate-Flavoured Dairy Food.  (Not Real Food!  It’s Not Real Food!).  Should humans consume so much Product of Cows?  Hmmm.  Soft cheese on special.  2-for-1.  Lovely on crackers, must stop back at Aisle 3.  (Sodium! Sodium! Noooooo…)

9.  Wine and beer.  Red wine, red grape-skins, full of summer’s goodness, full of antioxidants, yes!  (Alcohol: makes you tired, saps your energy, gives you under-eye bags, Is Poison.)  Mmmm a lovely big glass of Syrah back at home once this Very Tiring Shopping Trip is over.  It’s Thursday, might need two, actually.

10.  Checkout.  Yum, Snickers.  Oooo new packaging on the Dairy Milk.  2-for-1 special!  My lucky day.  Mental grin.  Dum dee dum dum.  (S U G A a a a h h…)  Got red wine, got cheese, got chocolate.  Happy.

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